How to be a Beautiful American

Thomas Fuller, a plain spoken English clergyman and author, offered a few blunt words about the impact of travel on some of his less-cultured countrymen: "If an ass goes traveling, he'll not come home a horse."

In other words, to ensure that we exercise good manners while traveling, we'd do well to leave home with good manners. It's up to each of us to prepare to interact properly with the rest of the world.

To avoid giving offense unintentionally, a traveler must learn the rules of the road. Here are a few of them followed by some excellent resources.

As you depart from the tourist trail you will sometimes become the center of attention. The cause is surprise or curiosity, not any desire to make you uncomfortable. So don't let it. Accept attention with a smile. Transform it into an opportunity to communicate, to meet local people. Blond hair, height above the local norm, and other characteristics noticeably different from local appearances may attract undisguised curiosity. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, accept it graciously. It's harmless.

I recently came across a photo that shows me walking down a cobbled street in Darjeeling in the midst of a crowd of striking tea workers carrying placards. The cause of the strike appeared momentarily forgotten as scores of diminutive marchers stared at my 6'4" frame.

A similar experience a couple of years ago made a different point. Waiting on a pier to catch a boat on Lake Manapouri in New Zealand, I became aware that several Japanese tourists were commenting among themselves about my extreme height (compared to their own). When the boat arrived, I invited a couple of the women in their group to proceed me up the gangway. They did a classic double-take at hearing me speak Japanese. From the ensuing flurry of whispers I knew that word was spreading that I must have understood their comments. They were so embarrassed at their breach of etiquette that during the entire trip across the lake they said not one word.

My point is that a traveler should never assume that those around you do not understand your unguarded comments.

Thank-you
It's a privilege to be invited to dine at the home of a local person while traveling. As at home, you will please the host by arriving with some small gift such as candy or fruit. Wine or other liquor is fine if suitable in the circumstances.

However, a gift of flowers demonstrates the subtlety of local customs. In various places, you shouldn't give an odd number of flowers nor 13 flowers. Chrysanthemums and purple flowers may be traditional for funerals.

Roses may have an overly personal romantic connotation. How to know? Ask. When someone has done you a favor, send a thank-you note. Give them something tangible to let them know they didn't drop out of your thoughts the moment you left town.

Be careful not to be a "taker" when you travel. Accept hospitality readily but give more than what you get.

Elderly people
Elderly people are treated with special respect, sometimes veneration, in non-Western countries. On the street, take care never to jostle an elderly person. In a group, treat the oldest person as a spokesperson for others present. If you have a language in common, an elderly person can give you incredible insight into the history of the place you are visiting.

Monks
A woman should not touch a Buddhist monk. Step aside if necessary to avoid doing so. It is polite to give your seat to a standing monk even if some local people fail to do so. Not all monks are solemn, eyes-cast-down scholars. In some places, males routinely spend a few years of their youth as monks then return to the secular life. Such temporary monks are likely to interact with you and be very willing to show you around their monastery. Feel free to ask to sit in at festivals and even daily prayers.

I won't forget the booming drums, high-pitched bleats from long horns, hypnotic chanting, and incense swirling around me during prayers in a monastery in Ladakh.

Restaurants
Being demanding toward a serving person in a restaurant is as unacceptable there as it is here. What seems like poor service may instead be consistent with a custom unfamiliar to the traveler. For example, dishes may be served in a sequence different from what we are used to.

If you're polite, perhaps the server will point out the things on your plate not intended for consumption, such as garnishes. Otherwise, she'll just watch as you gulp them down with a grimace.